Honor Thy Mother & Father, But What About Honor Thyself?

 

I just celebrated my 35^th birthday on Monday and I must admit that I had the most fun on my birthday than I can remember having in a long time.  I didn’t just let the day pass with my usual laid back dinner and a movie.  I actually celebrated myself.  I partied with friends the night before, and had fun like a kid with my kid and several other kids whom I love dearly. All in all, I had a ball. 

But even though I’m 35, in some ways I don’t feel like it.  I feel much younger.  I actually feel like I had a second birthday the day my father died, which would make me only 4 years old.  My dad’s death propelled me onto a spiritual journey that presented such a culture shock to me.  It felt like I was learning to swim and The Universe, my instructor, just threw me into 9 feet water and told me to start swimming.  I flailed and panicked.  I cried and resisted.  I damn near drowned at some points.  Yet, without warning, almost like magic, I began to swim.   I kicked both of my legs, and put one arm forward then the other and before I knew it, I was doing laps around this pool of Life.  As it turns out, I learned I’m an endurance swimmer.  It hurts like hell sometimes to endure, but once you get far enough along, you realize just how far you can go.  You also get to perfect your stroke.  One of the ways I learned to perfect my living/swimming stroke was to commit myself to honor.  I may have shared this before, but I’ll share it again.  I’m a bad liar.  I mean a really bad liar.  I always have been.  I have a very visceral reaction whenever I lie.  I sweat profusely, my chest starts to hurt, and my skin breaks out.  And I just don’t have the mental capacity to tell a lie. I can’t actually think of a cohesive, plausible story to make the lie stick.    So to avoid the pain that arises from me lying, I decided to simply stop doing it.  But I didn’t do it like a resolution thing.  I just decided to commit myself to speaking honorably.  If it isn’t the truth, then it’s not honorable, and it doesn’t need to be spoken.   And since it doesn’t need to be spoken, I don’t speak it.  And there you have it.

What I have since discovered on my long distance swim is that speaking honorably involves more than simply refusing to lie.  It also has to do with speaking truthfully about who I am and what I feel.  It has to do with honoring myself instead of martyring myself.   I have had a bit of difficulty speaking up for myself.  In the past, I would hold things in until I exploded.  Then I’d have no problem letting everything out.  But I don’t think it’s healthy to explode.  You run the risk of actually imploding, and I don’t want to implode.  Exhale maybe, but not implode. But that’s what I was risking.  I had a really hard time speaking up and standing in my own power.  I was always so worried about everyone else.  This habit of mine became apparent to me after I decided to sit down and write a book about my experiences growing up with my dad.  I found myself in a complete block.  I knew what I wanted to say, but I was at a complete stand still.  I had a light bulb moment where I realized I was worried about speaking about certain parts of my life because I was worried about how other people would feel about it.  In doing so, I wasn’t speaking my truth, which meant I wasn’t living honorably.  What I’ve come to learn and accept is that my truth is mine and the agreement (or approval) of others is not required.  If I am speaking honorably, then I cannot put my truth on hold for fear of what others may think or how they may feel.  And I do believe that is a very important lesson for a writer to grasp.  But beyond that, I think it’s just an important lesson for an endurance swimmer who plans on swimming in the deep for a long time on this journey of life. 

You Have to Stand Anyway, So You May as Well Stand in Your Own Power

Happy Friday!  So today's groovy video was inspired by my own life.  You see, what had happened was that I was in this sich-ee-a-shun that had had me feeling all swirly in my innards and what not.  OK, seriously, my poke at bad grammar aside, I found myself in a situation where I really had to get up and stand in my own power.  I don't do that very well.  And it's funny because a few weeks ago, I went to one of my favorite metaphysical shops and was pushed toward a really great Runes reader and one of the first things he told me was "You don't do well at standing in your own power.  But that's ok because things are getting ready to start happening that will cause you to start doing just that."  Well I'll be John Brown cause homeboy was right!  And what I've learned is that it doesn't have to be any major event that makes you want to stand in your own power.  Sometimes it's the little things we have a hard time standing up to say.  And I've also learned that it doesn't take a huge display of a dramatic production to stand in your own power.  Sometimes, it's as simple as saying "No."  And I've also learned that it's not about fighting anyone.  When you stand in your own power, you're really just taking a stand for yourself.  It's not about fighting anyone because it's all about you anyway.  The whole point to standing in your own power is to be true to yourself.

So as I explain in the video, my ex is getting married in Mexico next week (a fact he didn't tell me until the beginning of this month but hey who am I?) and he wants our daughter to be there.  Nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that he wants her in attendance and her passport expired.  So that meant she needed a new one, and ASAP.  So an appointment had to be made at the Chicago Passport Agency to get an expedited passport.  Well, he basically left it all up to me to get' er done (shout out to Larry the Cable Guy).  I did the right thing by my kid and took her, but to show you how the Universe works, I couldn't even get it because he didn't give me the proof of her travel or a copy of his ID (since he wasn't in attendance for the appointment).  And so he ended up having to take both our child and his soon to be wife's daughter this morning. (Don't even ask me how they knew they were getting married in Mexico and wanted the kids there, yet didn't make sure they had passports until now).  So er, an-t-way, I was feeling some kind of way because I am a people pleaser.  I have a strong tendency to care about others and put them before myself.  Since I'm growing, it has become more uncomfortable for me to do that and it's causing me to speak up for myself.  On the one hand, it feels really good, but on the other hand, it's uncomfortable because I have to work the nerve up to speak.  I know with practice it'll get easier.  And the same is true for you.  If you struggle with that area, as I, then just know that you can.  I saw Iyanla Vanzant last year and she said "You have a right, a reason, and a responsibility to speak out against anything that goes against what you know in your heart to be true."  This is now my mantra and it's helping me in my fight against no one but myself.