Now I Told You So . . . Didn't I?

So once upon a time, there was a young girl named Je’Niece and she was just in love with all things entertainment—especially celebrity news & gossip.  If you wanted to know the scoop, all you had to do was ask Je’Niece because she would know it and happily tell it to you.  Then, that young girl grew up and she started caring more about her own life than that of anyone else—least of all a celebrity.  So why did I just regale you with this not so fairy fairy tale, you ask?  Oh that’s simple.  I did it because I’m about to totally contradict myself with the topic of this post.  See how I did that there? : )

So anywhoo, I was perusing the Internet last week when I happened across an article about R & B superstar Usher’s custody trial.  According to the report, Usher broke down crying on the stand when he was cross examined by ex wife’s Tameka Raymond’s lawyer regarding his drug use.  While I actually have an opinion about this trial, that isn’t the point to today’s post.  So, as if reading the entire article wasn’t enough of a contradiction for me, I went ahead and read a lot of the comments left by every day readers—something I learned to stop doing midway through my dad’s career.  But I don’t know, something got a hold of me and I did it.  What struck me as odd was that the overwhelming majority of comments weren’t saying anything remotely compassionate.  Most of the commenters said things like “I bet he wished he’d listened to his mama.” Or “His mama should slap the both of them and say ‘I told you so’!” 

I really never understood why people love to say I told you so.  Do you just want to make the person feel even worse than they already do?  Is your desire to be right that intense?  I mean seriously, what do you plan to accomplish by telling someone this?  It’s not as if this is going to change anything that has already happened.  And so what if you told them?!  We learn not by hearing, but by doing.  Experience is the only way that we really learn our lessons, which is why I’ve always been baffled by the fact that we human beings seem to become so bothered by another human being’s experience.  While I can understand not wanting someone you love to cause themselves to suffer, I cannot understand why we get so wrapped up in the affairs of others.  Perhaps it is because I was raised by parents who loved to tell me “I told you so”, once I failed to do something they told me to.  Perhaps it’s because I know I’m stubborn and I tend to do the opposite of what someone tells me to.  Or maybe it’s just because I don’t think saying those words offer any compassion at all.  But I believe saying I told you so is one of the worst things you can say to a person—especially in a situation like Usher’s.  The man is already fighting for custody of his two children, he’s so distraught that he’s breaking down on the stand, so the last thing he needs is to get kicked by his mom when he’s clearly already down.   

I remember a few days after Hurricane Katrina ravaged the south and the levees broke in New Orleans, my dad urged me to go to my then husband and give a pompous I told you so, because my ex wanted us to remain in New Orleans after we agreed that we would leave a year after our wedding.  My father’s logic was that if my then husband had it his way, we would have been living in New Orleans and we would have suffered because of the levees breaking.  I thought that was completely asinine and I had no problem telling my father so.  First of all, there was a much larger issue at stake, and that was the many people in the south who were so devastatingly affected by the hurricane.  Secondly, we were fine.  We were living in our home in Illinois, and we were not affected physically by the hurricane.  I saw no point whatsoever in saying I told you so, other than to start a very unnecessary fight with my husband. 

I know there are some people that get a kick out of saying that to others, and I know it can be really tempting to want to say them, but you have to ask yourself some questions before you do.  What’s my purpose?  Do you just want to be right?  Do you just want to feel superior?  Are you trying to make the person feel better or worse?  How would I feel if the tables were turned?  We’ve all heard it said before, but until you walk a mile in someone’s shoes, you don’t really know what their motivation is for doing what they do.  So, why not try to put yourself in their shoes before you go parading your all knowing-ness around?  Lastly, who the hell are you?  Seriously, who are you?  You’re not God.  You’re not perfect.  You have been in situations where you didn’t heed the warning given to you, so why are you taking it upon yourself to act as if you came to this world already knowing everything you know NOW?! Mmm Hmmm. . . . gives you something to think about, doesn’t it? 

So what say you?  Do you like telling people I told you so?  Do you like when it’s done to you?  If you do say it, why do you?  Do you think there’s another approach?