It's Not Your Money, So Why Do You Care?

Wait what's the problem here? Folks complain that rich kids don't work hard for anything, yet you're mad cause this kid worked hard and because of his hard work he received a scholarship?  I'm not just confused, I'm confus-ed.

 So yesterday morning, I had the chance to speak at Gale Math & Science Academy’s 8th grade graduation.  I really enjoy speaking to young people, and yesterday was no exception.  One of the key things I pressed upon them was not limiting themselves based on other people’s perceptions of them.  That was a lesson I had to learn the hard way.  While I can’t be in any way sure that my words meant anything to the graduation class, I certainly hope they did.  So when I got home and began perusing the internet, my words came echoing back to me.  Now let me first disclose that I don’t really spend a lot of time perusing the internet unless it’s to do some shopping.  Here’s a fun fact about me. . . I am the internet shopping queen.  If you need an item that is hard pressed to be found, oh I will find it.  Think I’m not? Huh, think again.  So I’ll take a pause for the cause from tooting my own very shiny horn to get back to the point of today’s post.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, so as I was saying, I don’t really take the time to peruse the internet, but I happened to be perusing the net and I found an article about Justin Combs, son of the oh so extravagantly famous (and rich) Sean “Diddy” Combs (used to be P. Diddy, used to be Puff, used to be Puffy, and oh well we could go on).  Seems the young man has received a hefty athletic scholarship from UCLA for his football playing abilities.  And I do mean hefty. I read that it is a $54,000 athletic scholarship.  Now, I don’t know why, but I even took the liberty of reading the comments and I just have to say, while I wasn’t really taken aback, I was still shaking my doggone head because it just reinforced my failure to understand folks obsession with money—and other people’s money at that.

So the gist of it is that there is a debate amongst folks as to whether or not young Combs should have received a scholarship when his father is rich and can afford to send him to school.  It was said by many that the scholarship should go to someone more deserving, or in need.  Now, I have a little bit of experience with folks and their assumptions and judgments about my life because my father was rich and famous so if you think I’m biased, well I am.  I know firsthand what it feels like to have everything you ever do or have scrutinized simply because your parent (not you) has money.  Here’s the thing, he was awarded an athletic scholarship based on his athletic abilities (which is exactly what athletic scholarships are awarded for and not merit instead of financial status) AND he has a 3.75 GPA proving that he is indeed a student athlete who is completely deserving of a scholarship.  People on the boards even went so far as to insinuate that perhaps he has a 3.75 GPA because his father is rich.  What in Da Hayle?!  So the boy can’t be smart simply because he’s smart?  He couldn’t have possibly earned his grades?  Instead of paying for his tuition, Diddy instead chose to pay for his high school grades to ensure that he received a scholarship so he wouldn’t have to chalk up the dough? Seriously.  As my Daddy used to say, Common sense ain’t all that common.  Others even went on to say that he should not accept the scholarship, so that a more “deserving” student could receive it.  And others still, chose to go even further, some said Diddy should now go ahead and pay for some other kids to go to school since his son was offered a scholarship.  How does that make sense?  Not saying that he can’t, and who knows, he maybe has already, but who are any of us to decide what another person should do with his or her money?  At the end of the day, Justin is not the one with money, his father is.  Why should he not accept something he earned?  And what does his father’s bank account balance have to do with his abilities and work hard? 

Like I said, I know what it feels like to have everything about me (accomplishments, abilities, possessions, etc.) dissected simply because my father was rich and famous.  It really is a double-edged sword.  On the one hand, I (and everything I did or had) was diminished to being a byproduct of my famous father.  On the other hand, if I didn’t seem as extravagant as others thought I should have been, I was almost shamed into being less than.  I applaud young Combs because he seems to have a good grasp of who he is, which is more than I can say for my 18 year-old self.  While Justin seems self assured, I, on the other hand, was extremely insecure and fought tooth and nail against anyone being able to legitimately say anything about me had to do with my father—to my own disservice.  If I only knew then . . . I understand that unless you experience it for yourself, you really don’t have any idea of what I’m talking about, which makes it extremely difficult—damn near impossible—for you to have compassion.  And understand that I’m not asking for pity for myself or any other children of celebrities.  We are afforded lives and experiences that many will never have because of our parents.  However, we are also privy to a great amount of backlash because of it.  And it really never ends.  Why just a few months ago, someone took the liberty of contacting me on Twitter to tell me how lame he thought I was for what he believed was my attempt to use my father’s celebrity to become famous.  First of all, I wasn’t aware that I was even trying to become famous.  I thought I was minding my own business.  Didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to do that.  Thankfully, having been through everything I’ve been through, I was much better able to deal with such foolishness than if I’d received that  message 15 years ago.  

My dad and I used to sit and talk about this issue.  It honestly pissed him off.  He even said to me during one of our conversations.  “People make me sick.  They respect me and my story because they feel like I deserve it because I came from nothing.  But because you’re my daughter, they don’t/won’t respect yours.   If I take good care of you, then you’re spoiled and privileged, and I should stop. If I don’t take care of you, it’ll be 'It’s a damn shame Bernie Mac don’t take care of his daughter'. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”  And you know what?  He was right.  And he always instilled in me the Eff em attitude.  He told me to not care about other people and whatever foolishness they had to say because in the end, all they’re really saying with their “criticism” is that they really wish they had what I had.  I heard him, but I didn’t really get what he was saying until much later.  Today I get it, and I’m glad Justin Combs gets it already.  He’ll spare himself much of the torment I put myself through.