Talking Ish and More Ish

 So I have allowed myself to get sucked back into the ridiculousness that is Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I don’t know why, but it just pulled me in.  This season has had me looking like Chris Rock’s Pookie from New Jack City.  “It just keeps calling me and calling me” And I feel the same way after each episode.  The Hayle did I just waste my life for?!  But oh well, like the insane person I seem to be at times I keep going back to it.  So yesterday’s episode featured Ms. Kenya Moore dishing out her own special brand of cray cray by showing up Phaedra at a charity event.  Seems she was a bit po’d that Phaedra was saying not so flattering things about her so she decided to stick it to her and show up to the event wearing a mesh dress with a thong bikini a la Phaedra on the Anguilla trip—complete with a big church lady hat.  Now here’s where I’m tripping.  When did making yourself look like a fool mean you are showing up someone?  Seriously, no one at the event besides the other housewives knew where she was going with it.  She just looked like a crazy fool to everyone else.  But that’s a special brand of craziness of which I have no knowledge.  This also made me ponder why we human beings spend so much time obsessing over what someone else says about us. 

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the desire to be liked and seen for who we believe we truly are.  I even understand using that to gauge whether you can trust that person.  But beyond that, why do we spend so much time worrying, stressing over, and upsetting ourselves over what someone says behind our backs?  I mean we obsess, cry, complain, and obsess some more over what others have to say when we’re not around.  I’ve had quite a bit of experience with this and I must admit that in my opinion, people love to talk about other people.  And it seems that when they do, they prefer to talk about something unflattering.  And if they don’t have anything unflattering to talk about, they’ll make something up.  So it seems to me that it would be easier on us if we just learned to acknowledge our feelings about it and keep on living our lives.  Now I know this falls into the easier said than done category.  But I think spending time talking about it, dwelling on it, and thinking of ways to “show them” just adds fuel to the fire.  Instead of living joyously, you’re feeling stressed, worried, sometimes even depressed, and all because of someone else.  The power we give to others and their words would serve us much better if we channeled the energy into ourselves. 

I’ve had my own experience with this.  After my dad died, I learned that my relatives (many of whom I adored) were speaking very ill of me.  They said things like I’m spoiled, I needed a man, I was jealous of my mother, and other foolish things.  I was beyond hurt.  I was in a state of shock and I think my dad’s death exacerbated the pain I felt by their words.   I spent a lot of time playing the words over in my head.  I spent probably even more time talking about their words.  I couldn’t believe that’s how they saw me.  It felt betrayed.  I even felt like I got kicked out of an elite members only group.  I finally had an epiphany and realized a few things.  One is that my relatives love talking about other people.  It’s what they do.  It’s the culture of the group to talk about people behind their backs, yet not fully address their thoughts and feelings with the subjects of their discussions.  Another realization I had is that small-minded people like to discuss and dissect other people.  And my discussion and dissection of their discussion and dissection only made me small minded too.  And lastly, it didn’t matter what they called me or said behind my back because all that mattered is what I answered to.  The way I learned to see it, I could waste a lot of time worrying about what people are saying about me—which would only detract from the peace and happiness I claim I want so badly.  I mean honestly, don’t I have more pressing things to do with my life than worry about some smack talking folks who are really only hiding out from their own life to-do list?!

What say you?  How do you feel about folks talking behind your back?  Do you work to “get back” at those who do?  Would you go to the lengths Kenya went through to show someone who talked about you behind your back?  Let’s discuss.