No Woman is Her Hair . . . Why Haven't We Learned That Yet?

Here is a beautiful young woman, who just happened to win the Gold for Team USA, and all that some people can talk about is her hair?! And what exactly is the problem with it? Wait, don't answer that. . . .

*I wrote this piece about a month ago, but just didn’t feel it fit in with my mood, so I decided to archive it until the spirit moved me to share. Now in light of all the debate over USA Gold winner Gabby Douglas’ (Man that felt good to write!) hair, I thought it was fitting to share this one today.*

So ok, here’s a fun fact about me  . . .  I am not one of those women who get the big fuss over our hair.  I just don’t.  Don’t get me wrong, I do like for my hair to be healthy and I like for it to look good.  But all that other stuff?  Short vs. Long, Relaxed vs. Natural, Colored vs. Non Colored, weaves vs. no weaves,  who the heck cares AND actually has the time to really pay attention—much less bicker over it all?!  I certainly don’t.  Here’s another fun fact, which probably isn’t any news to you if you’ve been following my Happy Friday v-logs.  I’m now a natural haired brown skinned girl.  And I’ll be honest.  I didn’t make the decision out of some huge rebellious revolt.  I’m not sticking it to the man, or to black men, or to anyone.  I actually had a short haircut back in 2006 (I do love my fierce short cuts), found out I was preggers in February, ended up having to travel with my dad so I opted for braids.  I got so lazy about it that I kept braids for the duration of my pregnancy.  Once my daughter was born in October, I grew tired of the braids so I took them out.  Upon seeing how my hair had grown, the thought occurred to me to see what it would be like to have natural hair, but I went against it and put the relaxer back in.  I kept my hair relaxed for the next three years.  In 2008, after filing for divorce, I did what most of us gals do when we break up with a man; I cut my hair.  But in my defense, it wasn’t a rebellious revolt against my ex husband.  My hair was so damaged from all the stress I had been going through that it was just best to cut it.  Two years later, in 2010, I decided I wanted to grow my hair out, but this time, I didn’t think I wanted to go the relaxer route.  I just figured I’d grow it out and see what it would be like to be au naturale.  So I wore protective styles (braids, sew ins, ponytails) until today to grow out my hair. 

So here it is, 2012, and my hair is pretty close to shoulder length, but man shrinkage is real in these streets yo! I just happen to like my hair right now.  I’m still learning about my hair in its natural state and what products work best on it.  Thank goodness there are so many blogs, you tube tutorials, and knowledgeable hair stylists to help me in my journey. But on a side note, can we get some sisters with hair like mine to do some videos?!  All the lovely women I’ve seen are great,but my hair just won’t do what theirs will.  Where are the chicks with the fight for your right hair like me?  Anway, end of side note.   But even with all of that, I’m gonna admit that I’m not, nor do I ever intend to spend a crazy amount of time on my hair.  Reading some of the blogs can overwhelm you and I just did not go natural to spend all day doing my natural hair.  And I must say again, this was not some rebellious act on my part.  I was just curious so I went ahead and gave it a try.  So forgive me if I’m breaking some Sister girl code of conduct when I say I just don’t get the big deal about it all!  I mean there is some serious hostility out there between the naturals vs. the relaxed, hell even within the natural community.  There is debate over what actually constitutes natural.  Seriously, it’s just hair.  If you cut it, it will grow.  This thing women have about their hair just befuddles my mind.  I don’t get it.  I think it’s because I grew up with a mother who didn’t care about hair like that.  Thank Goodness for my mama cause I didn’t get the memo for the hair issues.  My mom would grow her hair out just to cut it short, color it, rod it, crimp it, hell she even tried the Wave Nouveau (don’t ask her about that one though).  Since I didn’t see a woman have issues with her hair, I didn’t grow up with any.  But it’s a fool!  And don’t’ even start trying to get the brothers to weigh in on it. 

I remember the first time I cut my hair.  I was a freshman in college.  I came home on my winter break and told my hair stylist to cut my then past shoulder length hair into a cute short cut. The result was a knock off of Halle Berry’s famous short cut a la Strictly Business.  It was hot as a biscuit baker in New Orleans and my hair is thick, and the combination just was not working, so I made an executive decision.  I loved it.  It was cute and sexy and I felt great.  However, I remember receiving a lot of backlash—and oddly enough it came from women.  I had one of my aunts tell me “Je’Niece for us women our hair is our crown and glory and I just don’t like you hair short.”  Now that I think back on myself, I’ve always been a bit of a rebel because just like today, I didn’t care then.  My response was “Well good for the both of us that it’s my hair and not yours.”  And I wasn’t being a smart ass for the sake of being one.  I was speaking honestly.  Seriously, how narcissistic do you have to be to actually believe that your opinion of a woman’s hair should hold any weight with her?  If you like your hair long, then by all means, wear your hair long. But don’t for one second think that because you like to wear your hair long that it somehow means that every other woman on the earth should wear hers the same.  Same goes for the natural look.  And can the natural community please stop bickering about what constitutes natural and whether a natural haired woman should straighten her hair or not?!  I mean it’s madness.  When my hair was short, I even had some women tell me “Don’t no man want no woman with short hair.” Thank God for all of us that they weren’t men and they couldn’t speak for them. 

And as if that wasn’t enough, men feel the need to weigh in on our hair.  I remember my father giving me grief any time I changed my hairstyle.  He had a fit when I got it wrapped.  My response to him would usually be something along these lines:  “I’m sorry I’m not a man and I don’t have the privilege of wearing a fade that will be stylish for decades to come.  You should blame yourself for that Y chromosome not swimming fast enough.”  Yeah I said it.  And I mostly meant it.  If you can tell, I’m not one who likes others to try to infringe upon my free will.  I get that men have preferences, but I don’t think anyone—not even a woman’s husband—has any right to tell her how to wear her hair. 

But I recognize that I am biased.  I just don’t get the huge fuss over something as seemingly trivial as hair.  The lengths (pun intended) women go through for hair just seems crazy to me.  The emotional opinions that spark these heated debates and sometimes arguments, the make or break me relationship some women have with their hair just seems so over the top to me.  Yes sometimes on a bad hair day I can feel totally paper bag over head worthy, but it’s just a pity feeling.  I do what I need to and I keep moving.  If my hair dresser gives me a hair cut instead of clipping my ends like I asked, I get thankful for the healthy ends which will lead to healthier hair and just wait for it to grow back.  But like I said, I just don’t get it.  I totally understand that it can and is different for others.  So what say you?  How do you feel about your hair?  How do you feel about other women’s hair?  Do you think women should wear their hair one length? Or natural? Or do you swear by a perm?  Why or why not?  And not to leave you brothers out, if you’re reading, do you have a serious opinion about the fairer sex’s hair?  And if so, what is it?