Hello Pot, My Name is Kettle

I have learned over the years that I am allergic to bullshit. And I’m not being funny when I say that.  I mean I am physically allergic to it.  I will break out in hives, get nauseous, and my ass will literally itch!  That’s just how allergic to it I am. It’s happened to me on several occasions so I’m well aware of the real-ness of it.   So I had an incident with someone yesterday.   This person came at me with a heaping dose of it and I just had to walk away before my allergies kicked in.  This person started ranting and raving like a lunatic and started talking to me like I was not an adult worthy of respect, but as if I were his child, who also happened to be in big trouble.  And the whole premise of his argument was “effective communication.”  Can you say Ha?  What’s even more funny is that this person claims I didn’t effectively communicate my whereabouts when I clearly sent a text to him to alert him, but he respond to it.  Again, I say ha.  Now back in my younger days, I could go toe-to-toe arguing and hollering right back.  It would take a lot to get me to that point, but boy once I got there.  Last night, however, I didn’t even see a point.  First of all, my daughter was standing right there.  Secondly, I was always taught that you shouldn’t argue with a fool because no one would be able to tell the difference between the two of you.  I mean negativity only begets more negativity.  If you want to settle something, do it with respect.  Respect goes a long way.  If you’re too upset to talk, walk away until you can speak rationally and calmly. Otherwise, an incredibly unnecessary and ridiculous scene can ensue.  Thirdly, I’ve learned that standing up for myself doesn’t require a loud voice or other such tactics.  The simple approach is really all that’s enough.  So I calmly said “Good night”, took my daughter’s hand and walked away, leaving this fool to yell by himself in a parking lot.   Now besides the fact that I feel this person lost all ground in his argument by speaking to me as he did, my major problem was the hypocrisy of his argument. 

What I felt was pure bullshit about the incident was that this person was upset about something I did that he himself is guilty of.  Well hello Pot, my name is Kettle!  Hypocrisy is something I have very little patience for.  I have learned to stop calling people out on their guilt to do things of which I am also guilty.  How can I dare call you out and I’m doing the same thing?  Doesn’t make sense if you ask me (and of course you didn’t, but by now you know I’ll ask and answer my own questions).  Further, I have learned to stop requiring things of others that I myself am not willing to do.  And that’s exactly how the aforementioned person operates.  He loves to require things of me--and others--which he usually fails to do himself.  And somehow, he usually feels completely justified when he calls me out on something.  I have no problem owning responsibility for my missteps.  I will tell you sorry, explain myself, and work to make sure it doesn’t happen again.  (Except when it comes to the telephone.  For the life of me, I cannot seem to get a handle on the phone.  I’m terrible with it. But that’s another story).    I’m actually quite proud of myself for not arguing or even staying upset about the incident. I recognize that the whole thing could have gotten much worse had I remained in that environment.  Thankfully, I remembered my allergies and I walked away.   And that whole scene just got me to thinking (as I tend to do anyway).

But he’s not the only person I’ve encountered who is guilty of this.  There is another person (and I’ve just completely released all the issues with that relationship) who does the same thing.  Whenever she addresses me about the issues of our relationship, she complains about things I’ve done trying to make things seem completely one-sided, when she’s done the very same things herself.  And once I point that out to her, she will not acknowledge her part.  And that leaves me completely befuddled.  Why go through all the trouble of pointing out my junk when you’re not willing to do the same for yourself?  

I’ve learned that everything (and I do mean everything) begins and ends with the self.  It is a law of physics (Newton's if you need a refresher) that for every action, there is an equal yet separate reaction.  So whatever it is that you want out of life, give it first and watch it return to you.  I see the evidence in my life by the changes in my relationships.  I have stopped beating myself up and not loving myself.  Thus, all the people who meant did the same thing to me and meant me no good have been removed.  I have no relationship with them.  And in return, new and wonderful people who are full of love have entered into my space.  The two relationships I just mentioned are two such examples.  I really don’t have much of a relationship with either of them.  There is a necessity there that makes it impossible for me to remove them completely, but at this point, to quote Evelyn Lozado (now Ochocinco), they are non-MF factors.   So that’s probably why they seem to have bigger issues with me now.  I know energy is real and they probably feel the new energy I’m emanating.  But when I have an issue with a person for which I want to communicate, I speak with respect and from a place of love, and I am for the most part, met with that in return.  I understand that I can’t complain about what I am not getting without first asking what am I giving.  And I won’t say this as if I have known this my entire life.  I’m not at all judging the people I mentioned above, I understand where they are, as it took some time to get this understanding.  But what I am saying is that while I understand, I will not tolerate it.  When they are ready to give to me what they expect from me, we can really move forward and possibly together.  And I’m really thinking perhaps they should spend a little more time looking at themselves than they are looking at me.  It would sure help my allergies if they did. 

So what say you?  How do you feel about being called a Kettle by an obvious Pot?  Are you guilty of it yourself?