Pedestal Pushing

So I was recently made aware that a friend of mine whom I am quite fond of has entertained some more than friend-ly thoughts about me.  It was intriguing to say the least.  I count this particular friend as a member among my favorite people list.  He’s just one of those people who I find extremely easy to get along with AND he seems to inspire me to think and challenge myself.  So it’s not the worst thing I could hear at all.  Shocking to me, but not gross by any means.  Actually, had the brother seriously pursued, he could have stood a really good chance.  But I also learned something else in addition to that.  According to my source, this particular friend does not (or at that time did not) feel “worthy” of me.  I also found that little tidbit intriguing.  My source told me that I give off this vibe that a brother has to be damn near perfect to get with me (I’m paraphrasing, but that was his point).  Unfortunately, that wasn’t shocking information.  I’ve heard this since my teenage years.  After graduation, so many guys decided to let me know that they had huge crushes on me and when I asked why didn’t you tell me before, I was told, “It just seemed like I wasn’t good enough”.  In college, I was barely approached and when I would inquire, my friends would say “Baby you look like you’re too much work.” 

Sadly, I’ve received this treatment not only from men, but from my fellow women as well.  More than a few females have told me that they would like to be my friend, but they are hesitant to try because I give off this “vibe” that I’m better than—or at the very least I think so has told me.  Now here’s where it gets tricky for me.  I’m really a nice person!  And I don’t say that in the “I’m really nice once you get to know me” manner.  No, I’m really nice.  I’m easy going.  I’m approachable.  And these same people who have told me about my “vibe” concur.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve received the “Oh my gosh you are nothing like what I thought you’d be!  You are so nice!”  Yet they maintain that I still have this thing about me that says to others “I’m better and you need to get to where I am”.  I even have family members who believe this.   My god sis concurred.  She also agreed that it’s not that I’m mean or uppity, but she’s of the belief that to most people (herself included), I appear to be damn near perfect and it makes them feel like they are not good enough to share my space.  Now here is my question:  Is it really I; or is it these people who choose to put me on this incredibly high pedestal?  I tend to think it’s the latter.  If I’m approachable, authentic, giving, and kind, how can I be blamed for “vibing” that I’m better than another? 

Honestly, I find this pedestal pushing to be quite tiresome, even a bit alienating.  So you mean to tell me that I have to suffer (well not suffer, but I feel like being dramatic) through lack of dates, friends, whatever because of your issues?  How is that fair to me?  Some months ago, a wonderful reader told me that I had a Healer aura.  She said that I was very strong and my purpose was to bring healing to people.  But she told me to expect difficulty because strength can frighten people.  She was right.  Now in no way do I like myself to Jesus the Christ, but I really understand how he must have felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. Sometimes I want to shout “Really?!  Nobody can watch with me one doggone hour?!!”  I’ve always said that strength is a quiet trait.  It doesn’t boast about itself.  It doesn’t shout.  It merely shows up when it’s needed.  There’s something about being a strong person that makes others believe you need nothing.  After all, you’re strong; you can take care of it all.  Nobody bothers to keep in mind that the strongest person you know may also be the most in need of help.  I know that I’m a strong person.  It’s just one of those ABCs of me.  But being strong doesn’t mean that I’m perfect.  And I won’t even pretend to be.  I have no problem telling you about my issues. Hell, if you read this blog you can see I’ll share my stuff with you.  About a year and a half ago, one of my aunts told me that she believed that the family failed me after my dad died.  (In some ways, I agree, but that’s a whole ‘nother post!) You see, after my dad died, my family didn’t support me. At all!  No one in my family so much as said, “How are you?”  According to my aunt, no one thought to be there for me.  They just thought I would be ok.  I can’t tell you how much that stung when I heard that.  Now that some healing has taken place, I am able to offer compassion and some understanding.  Maybe because they see me as being so strong they just thought, “Je’Niece doesn’t need us.  She’ll be ok” And while I understand it, it still sucks.  I was in a bad place then.  I could have used a lot of support—and especially from the people who claim they love me most.  But that’s not the point to today’s post. 

Anywhoo, I find this to be a prime example of the blessing and curse reality of life.  My strength has kept me going and helped me get through so much, yet it alienates me in some ways (or at least I’m choosing to believe it’s the strength).  I hate putting people on pedestals.  It’s so unfair.  It’s one of the reasons I’m not a fan of the whole celebrities as role models phenomenon. Once you’re on a pedestal, there’s only one place to go:  down. And the fall is usually hard and fast.  But while you’re on the pedestal, people tend to put super human powers upon you, which prevents them from seeing you as you truly are.  I have always had an innate desire to be seen—truly seen—and even more, loved for me.  I don’t want to have to be what someone else thinks or wants me to be.  I want people who see me as I am, love me for it, and aren’t afraid to let me know.  Now because I want that from mere mortals like myself, I know I’ll have to be patient and compassionate with my fellow brethren. But hey, a girl can still dream.

Is No Really The Worst That Can Happen?

I have a confession to make.  I once (and to an extent still do) battled with a bit of timid-ness when it came to going after what I want.  Now that I have confessed, I have to admit something else.  I find that to be kind of silly.  I mean really, what’s wrong with going after what I want?  The honest, and of course, most logical answer is nothing.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with going after what I want.  Well now that I’ve answered that, a more pertinent question is well what am I afraid of?  Now that I don’t have an exact answer for, but the most I can tell you that it involved a deep seated fear in hearing the word No.  Which brings me to ask another question.  (I know, I'm asking a lot of doggone questions!  But at least they're good ones).  What the hell is so fearful about that word?  Well, my current answer is nothing.  But if I’m honest, I can take myself back to the not quite as far behind me as I'd like days when I was afraid.  And since I can do that, I can tell you that the word No was frightening for me because I would make so much out of it.  In my mind, my entire being hinged on hearing what I wanted.  If the response was Yes, that meant I was worthy, loveable, great, and all that.  If the dreaded No was the response, then I wasn’t worthy, life would never be good, the sun would never shine, and to quote my baby girl, “all would be lost.” 

I’ve recently started learning and practicing Tantra and it has opened my eyes in a lot of ways.  One of those ways is that it has allowed me to learn to practice the art of non-attachment.  I first heard of this concept a few years ago from a dear Goddess friend of mine.  She told me about her love and commitment to becoming a mother.  She said, I am committed to becoming a mother, but I am not attached to the idea that he (her beau at that time) has to be the father.  That was so radical to me and I remember thinking that she was such a warrior for that.  But I was unaware that at that time I was practicing limiting, self-defeating beliefs.  As much as what I’d heard resonated with me, I didn’t believe it was possible to apply it to my own life.  I didn’t believe I was powerful.  I hoped I might be, but I didn’t really believe that I was.  So upon hearing my Goddess friend’s powerful words, I thought, That sounds good for her, but that probably wouldn’t work for me.  Yeah I know.  Po Little Tink Tink I was.  But not today.  Today I know better.  Today I recognize exactly what my Goddess friend was saying to me. I can commit myself to getting what I want without being attached to the hows of it happening or the why’s of it happening/not happening in my desired timeframe.  My only task is to ask for what I want and trust the Universe/ God/The Divine Creator to bring what I ask to me.  After all, The Universe is truly a benevolent being.  It seeks only to provide abundance and Love.  Whatever it is that I want (most notably need), the Universe conspires to get it for me-recognizing that whatever I’m asking for is more than likely a call for Love. 

Growing up, my dad would sometimes tell me No.  When I would ask for something, like permission to attend a party, or money for something, he would sometimes say, I wanna tell you yes, but I’m not.  I’m gonna tell you No. Because sometimes you just need to hear no.  Now you can imagine how infuriating that was for me.  It would drive me to want to exhale, drink, scream, kick, and pout.  But I kind of appreciate that today.  I get what he was trying to instill in me and I bet he didn’t count on that helping me come to the revelation that there is nothing scary about hearing that word. Frustrating?  Quite possibly.  Disappointing? Most probable.  But scary?  Nope.  Not at all.  Oprah Winfrey has said:

The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free.

I've come to realize how true that really is.  I would spend so much time fearing that I would hear the word no that I would allow that fear to paralyze me so I wouldn't go after anything.  I played it "safe".  Let me just tell you that playing it safe didn't bring me much satisfaction.  All it did was contribute to my stress--stress I duped myself into believing I was avoiding by not ruffling any feathers.  But I've learned some things and I can see clearly now the rain is gone. The way I see it, if I hear the word No, that either tells me, you are not the person I need to talk to so keep going until I get the person who can and will tell me yes; or something else (and probably much better) awaits me.  Either way, if no is the worst thing that I can hear; I’m doing pretty doggone good.

The Disagreeable Debate

That video is just funny to me.  But anyway, on to the point of today’s post.  You know how there are things that make you go Hmmm ???  Well for me, Idon’t usually go hmmm.  I usually go “I don’t understand.”  And I’ll admit that there are a lot of things that make me go that way.  And there is something that I’ve been witnessing that is making me say it more and more these days.  Why is it so hard for people to respect another’s point of view/opinions/differences?  I really think it’s an issue of communication, or miscommunication, to be exact.  I think people tend to be under the misconception that respect means the same thing as agreement.  People tend to believe that in order to respect another’s opinion or actions, they must agree with or like it.   This, of course, is a total misconception. But I think it’s what is believed and that’swhat makes it so hard to open oneself.  We tend to view life in terms of relatability. Can I relate to what I just saw/read/heard?  Do I agree with it?  Because we tend to view life as such,we never really take the time to hear what others are saying, and respect where they are coming from.  That’s why accusations abound of one not listening. Usually the person will say You’re not listening! to which the response is usually Yes I am and a typical counter will go something like this: Well did you hear what I said? Sadly, most of us really never hear what is being said to us because we’re too busy in our heads coming up with the “right” argument against or reason for support in favor of what we've "heard". 

Our worldview is based on our experiences.  Our unique experiences shape our perceptions, opinions, behavior, etc. So we tend to project our worldview on to the world.  This projection keeps us from relating to people on heart to heart level. We think our way is the “right” way because hey it works for us.  Never mind that it actually might not work for us AND if it does, that doesn’t have anything to do with how it will work for someone else.  Years ago a friend of mine was looking for a dentist.  I recommended my dentist because I loved her and her staff and they always did a great job with my teeth.  Well, my friend went and had an absolutely horrible visit. She called me and asked me if I’d had a similar experience.  I hadn’t, and to this day, I never have.  It just didn’t work for her.  And thus is the way it goes for life. What might be right for you, may not be right for some.  A man is born, he’s a man of means.  Then along come two they got nothing but their jeans. But they got Diff’rentStrokes.  It takes Diff’rentStrokes to move the world.   Isn’t it funny how back in the day sitcom theme songs really had meaning?  

Ok, I’m back. But you get my point (or at least I hope you do).  But what I’m saying is that people tend to take another’s opinion personally.  Once they ascertain that your disagreement to their opinion is a personal matter, they then decide that you are not just “wrong”, but you are attacking them. And not just them, but their momma, their grandmomma, hell even their family dog who died 10 years ago and how dare you attack El Perro like that?!  In my rather humble opinion, I have a hard time understanding why people can’t just agree to disagree.  Moreover, I don’tunderstand why disagreeing has to be equate to being at ends with a person.  It’s not as if a difference in opinion is a serious threat to your life (unless it's that of the Republican party).  As a dear Facebook friend said "I can disagree with you without being disagreeable."   Sadly, many people are not able to do this.  Perhaps the world would be a more peaceful place if we could learn to respect oneanother’s opinions—even if they differ from our own. 

So what say you? Do you have a problem agreeing to disagree?  Do you find it difficult to respect another’s differing opinion?  Have you recently been in a situation where you either had to work very hard to agree to disagree or the other party did?  Let’s discuss.

Talking Ish and More Ish

 So I have allowed myself to get sucked back into the ridiculousness that is Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I don’t know why, but it just pulled me in.  This season has had me looking like Chris Rock’s Pookie from New Jack City.  “It just keeps calling me and calling me” And I feel the same way after each episode.  The Hayle did I just waste my life for?!  But oh well, like the insane person I seem to be at times I keep going back to it.  So yesterday’s episode featured Ms. Kenya Moore dishing out her own special brand of cray cray by showing up Phaedra at a charity event.  Seems she was a bit po’d that Phaedra was saying not so flattering things about her so she decided to stick it to her and show up to the event wearing a mesh dress with a thong bikini a la Phaedra on the Anguilla trip—complete with a big church lady hat.  Now here’s where I’m tripping.  When did making yourself look like a fool mean you are showing up someone?  Seriously, no one at the event besides the other housewives knew where she was going with it.  She just looked like a crazy fool to everyone else.  But that’s a special brand of craziness of which I have no knowledge.  This also made me ponder why we human beings spend so much time obsessing over what someone else says about us. 

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the desire to be liked and seen for who we believe we truly are.  I even understand using that to gauge whether you can trust that person.  But beyond that, why do we spend so much time worrying, stressing over, and upsetting ourselves over what someone says behind our backs?  I mean we obsess, cry, complain, and obsess some more over what others have to say when we’re not around.  I’ve had quite a bit of experience with this and I must admit that in my opinion, people love to talk about other people.  And it seems that when they do, they prefer to talk about something unflattering.  And if they don’t have anything unflattering to talk about, they’ll make something up.  So it seems to me that it would be easier on us if we just learned to acknowledge our feelings about it and keep on living our lives.  Now I know this falls into the easier said than done category.  But I think spending time talking about it, dwelling on it, and thinking of ways to “show them” just adds fuel to the fire.  Instead of living joyously, you’re feeling stressed, worried, sometimes even depressed, and all because of someone else.  The power we give to others and their words would serve us much better if we channeled the energy into ourselves. 

I’ve had my own experience with this.  After my dad died, I learned that my relatives (many of whom I adored) were speaking very ill of me.  They said things like I’m spoiled, I needed a man, I was jealous of my mother, and other foolish things.  I was beyond hurt.  I was in a state of shock and I think my dad’s death exacerbated the pain I felt by their words.   I spent a lot of time playing the words over in my head.  I spent probably even more time talking about their words.  I couldn’t believe that’s how they saw me.  It felt betrayed.  I even felt like I got kicked out of an elite members only group.  I finally had an epiphany and realized a few things.  One is that my relatives love talking about other people.  It’s what they do.  It’s the culture of the group to talk about people behind their backs, yet not fully address their thoughts and feelings with the subjects of their discussions.  Another realization I had is that small-minded people like to discuss and dissect other people.  And my discussion and dissection of their discussion and dissection only made me small minded too.  And lastly, it didn’t matter what they called me or said behind my back because all that mattered is what I answered to.  The way I learned to see it, I could waste a lot of time worrying about what people are saying about me—which would only detract from the peace and happiness I claim I want so badly.  I mean honestly, don’t I have more pressing things to do with my life than worry about some smack talking folks who are really only hiding out from their own life to-do list?!

What say you?  How do you feel about folks talking behind your back?  Do you work to “get back” at those who do?  Would you go to the lengths Kenya went through to show someone who talked about you behind your back?  Let’s discuss.

Honor Thy Mother & Father, But What About Honor Thyself?

 

I just celebrated my 35^th birthday on Monday and I must admit that I had the most fun on my birthday than I can remember having in a long time.  I didn’t just let the day pass with my usual laid back dinner and a movie.  I actually celebrated myself.  I partied with friends the night before, and had fun like a kid with my kid and several other kids whom I love dearly. All in all, I had a ball. 

But even though I’m 35, in some ways I don’t feel like it.  I feel much younger.  I actually feel like I had a second birthday the day my father died, which would make me only 4 years old.  My dad’s death propelled me onto a spiritual journey that presented such a culture shock to me.  It felt like I was learning to swim and The Universe, my instructor, just threw me into 9 feet water and told me to start swimming.  I flailed and panicked.  I cried and resisted.  I damn near drowned at some points.  Yet, without warning, almost like magic, I began to swim.   I kicked both of my legs, and put one arm forward then the other and before I knew it, I was doing laps around this pool of Life.  As it turns out, I learned I’m an endurance swimmer.  It hurts like hell sometimes to endure, but once you get far enough along, you realize just how far you can go.  You also get to perfect your stroke.  One of the ways I learned to perfect my living/swimming stroke was to commit myself to honor.  I may have shared this before, but I’ll share it again.  I’m a bad liar.  I mean a really bad liar.  I always have been.  I have a very visceral reaction whenever I lie.  I sweat profusely, my chest starts to hurt, and my skin breaks out.  And I just don’t have the mental capacity to tell a lie. I can’t actually think of a cohesive, plausible story to make the lie stick.    So to avoid the pain that arises from me lying, I decided to simply stop doing it.  But I didn’t do it like a resolution thing.  I just decided to commit myself to speaking honorably.  If it isn’t the truth, then it’s not honorable, and it doesn’t need to be spoken.   And since it doesn’t need to be spoken, I don’t speak it.  And there you have it.

What I have since discovered on my long distance swim is that speaking honorably involves more than simply refusing to lie.  It also has to do with speaking truthfully about who I am and what I feel.  It has to do with honoring myself instead of martyring myself.   I have had a bit of difficulty speaking up for myself.  In the past, I would hold things in until I exploded.  Then I’d have no problem letting everything out.  But I don’t think it’s healthy to explode.  You run the risk of actually imploding, and I don’t want to implode.  Exhale maybe, but not implode. But that’s what I was risking.  I had a really hard time speaking up and standing in my own power.  I was always so worried about everyone else.  This habit of mine became apparent to me after I decided to sit down and write a book about my experiences growing up with my dad.  I found myself in a complete block.  I knew what I wanted to say, but I was at a complete stand still.  I had a light bulb moment where I realized I was worried about speaking about certain parts of my life because I was worried about how other people would feel about it.  In doing so, I wasn’t speaking my truth, which meant I wasn’t living honorably.  What I’ve come to learn and accept is that my truth is mine and the agreement (or approval) of others is not required.  If I am speaking honorably, then I cannot put my truth on hold for fear of what others may think or how they may feel.  And I do believe that is a very important lesson for a writer to grasp.  But beyond that, I think it’s just an important lesson for an endurance swimmer who plans on swimming in the deep for a long time on this journey of life. 

Embracing the Divine Feminine Creature That I Am

 

"God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I’ve ever met.”
― Farrah Fawcett

One of the things I have committed myself to is embracing myself.  Not just embracing myself, but truly appreciating, accepting, and loving everything about myself.  The past two years were about loving my body and everything about it.  And it really did help.  Once I stopped looking at my body to find and point out flaws—things just seemed to fall in to place.  My weight just kind of regulated and I actually like my body.  No it’s not perfect, but it’s mine and I’m grateful for it.  Somewhere along my path last year (I’m still tripping out that 2012 is now last year), I became acutely aware that I am a very strong woman.  And while I know this is such a stigma to say, but I can admit that I’m independent.  I’m tough.  I can stand a lot (and boy have I), yet I am still able to stand and keep going (a lot of times with a smile on my face).  As a result of this toughness, I’ve created this tough outer shell.  This shell prevents me from being vulnerable.  I’m so accustomed to being strong; that I have lost the femininity that makes me such an incredible woman.  So I committed myself to embracing my feminine energy.

Initially, it was a difficult journey.  I’m not a very emotional person.  I am much more comfortable with logic and reason—things that make some type of tangible sense.  I’m always seeking to understand things and people.  I am at ease with that.  But when it comes to emotions—especially what I call the heavy-duty emotions like anger, sadness, and Love.  I’m not comfortable with being vulnerable and when it came to embracing my femininity, I had to trudge through the muck and mire of all the notions I had in my head of what it means to be feminine.  It didn’t help at all when my favorite reader, Marc Victor, told me during one of my readings, “You have such strong feminine energy, but you’re not embracing it.”  In my mind, I heard “You are such a wimpy girly girl and you should stop trying to be a man.”  Don’t even ask me how I heard that as nothing about what he said sounds even remotely close to it.  But that’s what I heard AND I didn’t like it one bit.  So what did I do?  I did the only natural thing that makes any sense at all.  I resisted.  I thickened my skin and vowed to keep all that girly girl crap far away from me.  No more emotions for me (as if I was really letting them out anyway)! But because the Universe is so good at giving us what we need, it wasn’t working for me.  The more I resisted, the more off center I felt.  And I hate feeling off center.  I can’t function when I’m off center.  I need to be able to steady myself and so I went back for another reading and I told Marc Victor that I was having a difficult time with this whole feminine energy crap.  And yes I said it like that.  He laughed and asked me what did being feminine mean to me.  I was actually taken off guard because I don’t think I really had an actual idea of what it meant other than being weak.  In my mind, being feminine meant I had to be weak and I just don’t do weak.  I don’t respect weak, I don’t like weak, and I cannot get with weak . . .Point, blank, and the period!  

Thankfully, Marc Victor is so good at what he does, he said to me “Feminine energy is also very strong energy.  It is the reason you walk into a room and are noticed immediately.  It is the reason you are able to lead many without saying a word.  So what does being feminine mean to you?”  Told you he was good.  I think too often—especially now and especially for Black women—we are not taught how to be feminine.  We have to be strong.  We’re expected to be strong.  And we’re being strong while embracing so many different roles, but we’re not able to compartmentalize each role and act accordingly.  So the result becomes these hard, fixated, unmoving creatures that believe that is synonymous with being strong.  We think softening is a sign of weakness, when it really isn’t.  There’s a yin to every yang, and too much of either is not conducive to anyone. 

I practice yoga and every week I try to make it a point to go to a restorative yoga class.  There are some I know who say they hate that class because it’s not rigorous enough. But I think restorative yoga can be a more difficult practice because it requires the practitioner to truly relax, quiet, and release the chaos that is being held in the mind.   The same can be true of feminine energy.  It is much more difficult to stand in the softness of our emotions and express them in a healthy manner, instead holding them in and bulldozing through things (at least I know it is for me) in an effort to ignore them.  I’m early into my practice of embracing my femininity, but I’m really excited about it.  And I’m not doing it to catch a man.  I’m doing this for me.  I have recognized that it is entirely possible to be in love at all times and I want that experience.  I don’t need a partner.  I want to create a space where I am open and accepting at all times.  If I can’t do that with myself, how in the hell can I expect to do so with anyone else?  The simple truth is that I cannot. But at least I've made peace with the fact that I am a wonderfully divine, feminine creature.

“The hardest part has been learning how to take myself seriously when the entire world is constantly telling me that femininity is always inferior to masculinity”
― Julia Serano

 

A Very Merry Happy New Year to You!

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Merry New Year!  Here's my first post of the new year!  It’s a new day! It’s a new year!  It’s a new time!  It’s time to start the most famous voicemails.  You know the ones.  They go something like this: 

                 You have reached _________.  I have made some changes, 

                 cut some things out of my life this year and if I don’t return your 

                 call, you know you are one of those.

 

It’s time to start diets that you know you won’t stay on; resolutions you intend to, but know you can’t keep; and become this entirely new person you know you will never become.   Now don’t get me wrong, I do believe that there can be some significance in a new year.  There is definitely a death/rebirth cycle to life and the New Year can signify that.  However, I don’t use the New Year to do that for myself.  I don’t make resolutions.  I don’t start diets.  I don’t profess that this will be my year.  The way I see it, every day that I wake is a time to choose a new way of life.  I’ll admit that I spent Dec 31, 2011 in a different frame of mind.  I had a burn party with my god sis. We wrote down everything we didn’t want to take with us into the new year on a sheet of paper and at the stroke of midnight, we burned the paper.  It felt cathartic.  And it was meaningful because I really didn’t take those things into 2012 with me.  2012 was a year of growth for me.  I felt like a phoenix rising out of the ashes of my pain, my grudges, my fears, and all the unhealthy things I was allowing to hold me back.  So when December 31, 2012 arrived, I felt good.  I felt at peace. In fact, I felt so peaceful that I actually didn’t even see the arrival of the New Year.  I was all cozy in my bed and fell asleep about 10 minutes before the clock struck midnight.   I didn’t feel the need to renew anything.  This morning in my exercise class, the instructor told us to take a picture of ourselves, weigh ourselves, and then we’d do it again in 6 months to see what we’ve done.  While I think that’s a great idea for someone who wants to commit him or herself to being more fit and healthy this year, I didn’t do it.  I don’t have to.  I exercise everyday.  I make it a point to eat healthy.  And when I don’t, I don’t beat myself up.  I just enjoy myself then get back to the swing of things. 

I can just tell I’m in a different space this year.  I wasn’t sad to see 2012 go. As I reflected over the year, I realized that it was a great year for me.  I matured and grew so much in 2012.  And what I really love is that I didn’t have to go through pain to get it.  I recognize now that while we do tend to learn from pain, we can actually learn from joy as well.  It’s just that we generally tend to not pay attention until the pain arrives.  So I didn’t have to burn anything this year. I’m not marching into 2013 with a list of what will and what will not.  Now I have no idea what 2013 holds for me, but I do know that I’m in a space where I don’t need a day to tell me to choose something new.  I committed myself to living better now (a la Jamie Foxx) a while ago and I’m going to continue to hold myself to that commitment, as I have every day since the day I made the commitment. 

Please understand I’m not knocking you if you made a resolution.  But I will encourage you to not put so much pressure on yourself while it’s new.  Just take a step, then take another one, and keep stepping until you achieve your desired goal. Don’t despair should you misstep.  Just catch the beat and start stepping all over again.  That’s just the nature of life.  You don’t need the first of the year, the first of the month, the first of anything to live abundantly, joyously, and lovingly.  You can choose to do it now and do it well.  So I hope you have.  Happy 2013 to you!