Happy Friday! So today's groovy video was inspired by my own life. You see, what had happened was that I was in this sich-ee-a-shun that had had me feeling all swirly in my innards and what not. OK, seriously, my poke at bad grammar aside, I found myself in a situation where I really had to get up and stand in my own power. I don't do that very well. And it's funny because a few weeks ago, I went to one of my favorite metaphysical shops and was pushed toward a really great Runes reader and one of the first things he told me was "You don't do well at standing in your own power. But that's ok because things are getting ready to start happening that will cause you to start doing just that." Well I'll be John Brown cause homeboy was right! And what I've learned is that it doesn't have to be any major event that makes you want to stand in your own power. Sometimes it's the little things we have a hard time standing up to say. And I've also learned that it doesn't take a huge display of a dramatic production to stand in your own power. Sometimes, it's as simple as saying "No." And I've also learned that it's not about fighting anyone. When you stand in your own power, you're really just taking a stand for yourself. It's not about fighting anyone because it's all about you anyway. The whole point to standing in your own power is to be true to yourself.
So as I explain in the video, my ex is getting married in Mexico next week (a fact he didn't tell me until the beginning of this month but hey who am I?) and he wants our daughter to be there. Nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that he wants her in attendance and her passport expired. So that meant she needed a new one, and ASAP. So an appointment had to be made at the Chicago Passport Agency to get an expedited passport. Well, he basically left it all up to me to get' er done (shout out to Larry the Cable Guy). I did the right thing by my kid and took her, but to show you how the Universe works, I couldn't even get it because he didn't give me the proof of her travel or a copy of his ID (since he wasn't in attendance for the appointment). And so he ended up having to take both our child and his soon to be wife's daughter this morning. (Don't even ask me how they knew they were getting married in Mexico and wanted the kids there, yet didn't make sure they had passports until now). So er, an-t-way, I was feeling some kind of way because I am a people pleaser. I have a strong tendency to care about others and put them before myself. Since I'm growing, it has become more uncomfortable for me to do that and it's causing me to speak up for myself. On the one hand, it feels really good, but on the other hand, it's uncomfortable because I have to work the nerve up to speak. I know with practice it'll get easier. And the same is true for you. If you struggle with that area, as I, then just know that you can. I saw Iyanla Vanzant last year and she said "You have a right, a reason, and a responsibility to speak out against anything that goes against what you know in your heart to be true." This is now my mantra and it's helping me in my fight against no one but myself.
Thank you for sharing. I too, have a problem with standing firm and/or saying no because of the way I was raised my grandmother was always the one who said just humble yourself and keep the peace and I have learned to just do that.
ReplyDeleteI was so passive at times where it lead me into a relationship of Domestic Violence and Control because I tried to keep the peace and adjust.
Normally, everyone thought I was so strong because despite of the heartaches the life threw at me as child I grew up and was still able to maintain, be independent and bare the burdens of others when they needed me.
Therefore, many were surprised that I ever became a victim of anything. But as I sit back and look at my life I can honestly say that it wasn't a surprise to me. Becoming a victim of domestic violence was caused by my inability to stand up for myself and say no just to avoid confrontation or disapproval. Therefore, my inability to say "NO" gave people the illusion of my strength.
I agree with you that standing up is hard but it is a great feeling. Since then I have been able to stand up for myself and it feels great. I still struggle with being a people pleasing/approval addict, not wanting to say no in fear of possible confrontation and dealing with guilt trips especially when it comes to family but I always ask myself of this question:
"Do you want respect or do you want to continue to be used? The answer to this question always enables me to make the right decision of demanding respect rather than temporary approval and a lifetime of disrespect."
Thanks for this post Je'Niece, as always you are great!
No thank you! And thank you for sharing! I can definitely relate to where you're coming from. While I haven't been physically abused, I have allowed a lot of mental abuse in my relationships because like you said, I was raised to just go along for the sake of keeping peace. And like you, everyone thought/thinks I'm so strong. And of course, if you're strong, you won't take BS from anyone and you won't need any help and when they find out you do, they're shocked. That's a great question to ask yourself. I am diligently working on removing the resentment that not standing up for myself causes. Thank you again!
DeleteYou're so welcome :)
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about the resentment part. I struggle with that today and I have been more angry with myself for not standing firmly. I just got out of my abusive relationship a year ago and a week before our baby boy was born and I have looked back and said to myself, how could I have just those people walk all over me like that. I know I am not stupid person but when you are in situations such as mental and physical abuse you don't realize until you step out of it. I believe in my case counseling will heal my pain because it's always good to have someone to talk to who won't judge you.
I know you're probably gonna get tired of me saying "Thank You" but this blog has been very therapeutic for me today just to know that someone else is willing to admit that they battle with these same issues.
Most of all I really appreciate the fact that you are a humble person and have opened up your life to everyone who is willing to listen.
Also, forgive me if this is out of turn but we in this family loved your father, my 6 year old autistic son started calling him paw-paw when I would put on the 1st season DVD of the Bernie Mac show because in some way he reminds my son of his real paw paw (my father). I think it's their style and the way that they sound while fussing. LOL
But anyways, looking at your fathers life and how he overcame the hurt of loss in his past but continued to press forward into becoming the BEST Comedian EVER showed his strength.
Mr. McCullough also instilled his strength in his wonderful daughter too. GOD Bless you, your mother and your baby girl Je'Niece!
Wow! Thank you so much! And may I just say thank you to you as well! You have quite a powerful testimony and you are bravely sharing it. I know your pain will heal because I can already tell you are taking the steps to make sure it happens. I too went through that angry phase. But that's you judging yourself. Learn to forgive yourself because you did the best you could do. Now you know better so you can go on to do better. You got the lessons so on to the next phase. I am so proud of you!
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't get tired of hearing people expressing appreciation : ) And it's not at all out of turn for you to share your feelings about my dad. It's actually comforting to me so just know I appreciate you. God Bless you too!